'Tweren't no April Fool's Day joke, kids...

CC McGoon did not lie. My trusty Toshiba Satellite DID actually blow up that night. Shitty wiring here in L'Hotel du Fucktards made the outlet go "POP/WHOOSH!" (at the same time), sparks & smoke shot out of the outlet cover, and tripped the surge-protector that I had the computer & two lamps plugged (it has eight outlets). The cheap-ass lamps are fine. Ol' Bessie's deader than a fucking carp. Yes, many of my documents are backed-up on a disc, but none of my sent e-mails (around 17,000), none of the blog posts that I was saving-up to burn to a disc, and no photos that I'd downloaded from the camera or the 'net since October or so, when I did the backup disc. It was after that, that the peripheral burner went on the schizo-fritz.

And I do want to thank all of y'all who have so generously donated: Terrible, Mirele, Mentis, Susan, Rene', WO'C Scott, and I know that I'm forgetting somebody, so please forgive me, I will try to remedy that as soon as possible. But y'all have helped me to buy an external hard drive, so that if THIS computer ever explodes, my shit will still be SAFE, and more current than a 7-month-old CD; also, a WAY better surge-protector, this shit can NOT fucking happen TWICE.

The people who have completely blown my fucking mind and who I will spend the rest of my life trying to repay (money AND friendship and love), though, are CCMcGoon and Jobsanger. I was fully prepared to spend the next few months living on the library computers, until we could assemble the parts to Frankenstein a machine together; Mentis has more spare parts in his garage than we could probably imagine, and would show me what to do, all the way from New Zealand. But nope, those two Texans whom I love more than even Molly Ivins & Ann Richards, decided to beat me to the punch.

I am now back online solely because of their impulsive generosity and pragmatic (if somewhat bossy) kindness. Yeah, it is running VISTA (the worst cunt-fart that Microsoft has EVER created), but it's A BRAND-DAMNED NEW COMPUTER. I have never done anything, or will ever be capable of doing anything to deserve anything even remotely near to what Jobsanger & CC have done for me. I know damned well that I don't deserve friends like them, or like y'all, who have done so much for me, for all of these pathetic-as-fuck pan-handling years. Yeah, I might write a funny line here or there, but it's not like I'm saving humanity here. And yes, with the soul-sucking redneck fucktards who surround me (those allegedly related to me, or not), I would NEVER have EVER expected ANYBODY to put out that kind of an investment ON ME. Especially not with the current GLOBAL ECONOMIC COLLAPSE, and NOBODY has "job security." I'm not trying to be a narcissistic drama queen about this shit, I'm just saying that I'd much rather that I were able to do these things for Y'ALL, than to have y'all always having to put out for me, ESPECIALLY as much as CC, Jobsanger, Andy & Redcane have. There was another guy, back in the B.S. days, but he told me to fuck-off and die a long time ago.

So this is my lame-ass attempt at a thank-you to all who have given, but most especially to those two amazing human beings, stranded in the bored-titless part of Texas, where the most eventful thing is the WEATHER. I'm still learning to navigate teh Vista, but I *did* finally manage to outwit the flawed O.S. bullshit and get Firefox & Thunderbird. Now if I can get Thunderbird to open my HO-mail accounts, I will be even more thrilled. I know that I don't SOUND thrilled in this post, but I'm still in shock.

And if anybody doubts the condition of Ol' Bessie and all that she contains, lemme know, I'll send you a picture of her, but it prolly won't show much, they changed the outlet plate and pretended that there was "nothing wrong" with IT, so of COURSE the thieving, abusive, lying, embezzling racist psycho-cunts of J&M Management, "massahs" to their "plantations" of subsidized housing. Dey be de massahs, we be de slaves, ya see. Oh, no, it's not THEIR fucking fault that six years of my life is just fucking GONE, for NO GOOD FUCKING REASON, and those whores won't be putting out a fucking DIME, any faster than I expect those cocksucking pyramid-scheming bitches @ AVON to pay-up for having SCARRED MY FACE WITH CHEMICAL BURNS. It's in the hands of Traveler's insurance, so let us hope that THEY act like human beings, but them being insurers, I ain't holding my breath. I'm way the fuck behind on all of my bills this month, after a manic episode after losing Bessie. Don't worry, I've not been arrested. Yet. I should be able to stretch, if anybody in the corporate world is capable of patience and/or mercy.

SO, if anybody has any money left, and can help out, I will greatly appreciate it, and won't be accosted by those bloodthirsty, sharp-fanged psycho-cunts who play at being bill collectors. If I should disappear again, blame those rude little AT&T collect-o-cunts, all of 19 years old and think that THEY can "talk down to" ME; I won't be in jail, I hope, but they WILL cut me off in a fucking heartbeat for being late. If I ever find out where their call-center is located... Well, best not to say it in public, with those horrific mass-shootings in NY still so painfully fresh. I'd never be that violent or sloppy. I'd be much more finessed and creative...

NOW, all of that idiotic melodrama AND sincere thanks & love aside, I have a sad bit of news. My computer dying ain't shit compared to what our beloved Mentis & his family have been going through. He still won't give me a straight answer about an MRI/CT from the car-splat incident, but he soldiers on as if nothing's ever happened.

And then his dearly-beloved father-in-law, a man whom he truly respected, admired, and adored (if not in such soppy terms, obviously), whom they thought was OVER the hump with his kidney-disease nightmare, finally got to come "home" (to The Mentis Family home). And then he died. And then they couldn't get him out of the house for some reason, so they brought the casket and the proceedings into the house. This shit could only happen to Mentis, honestly. Whenever you think that YOUR life is fucktarded, weird, or possibly cursed, please remember our Crash-Test-Dummy-In-Training.

For those of you who can't e-mail Mentis or don't know him that well, here's the Plan B: when he DOES get the chance to come back and post, as he is undoubtedly, the "rock" for his whole family, please do show him some love, 'cause this guy has more than earned it. No matter what horrible or humourous or twisted/sick thing befalls him, he's still always got his chin up, blowing the injuries off, getting about business, holding everybody else together. I know that he prolly didn't want me to put this much personal stuff on the blog, but dammit, we're a family HERE, too! And as much as I love & respect all of y'all, I want y'all to feel that way about one another. For those who maintain membership but who no longer blog here, well, I guess that the love never got to them, or I didn't mix the kool-aid right. Such is life. But when one of us is hurting, then dammit, the rest of us ought to care. And Mentis truly has lost a father-figure in his life, a strong man whom he genuinely respected.

But Mentis, like CC & Jobsanger, Terrible, WO'C Scott, Mirele, Susan, and of course, the indefatigable RenB, has been an incredible and generous friend to me, both when he can help with the donations and when he can provide the most-reliable tech support I've ever gotten. I really did wanna Frankenstein a machine with Mentis, but SOME people just hadda go WAY the fuck above and beyond the call of duty, didn't y'all. Well, if I ever DO hit the fucking Powerball, they know how much their cut is gonna be, at the very least. Because they, and y'all, are the family that I always wanted and never had, except with my Nannie & Papa, Tater and whichever of the heifer nieces are speaking to me this week. And y'all stick around even when the shit hits the fan, whether I have money to spend on Y'ALL or not (usually not, obviously), and never act like y'all are doing me a "favor" by being my friends. Y'all have no idea how often that THAT little issue has come up over the years...

Okay, that's it for tonight, I've gotta go put partial-pays on my bills tomorrow, so I gotta get up at an obscenely-early hour. Love y'all. And fuck yes, Jobsanger, you ARE inimitable, and don't you fuckin' forget it!