GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 02-15-09

When you click on the title link, you will see the programming schedule for a semi-independent/CW station in the New Iberia/Lafayette/Lake Charles region, which reaches across the Atchafayala Basin & Mississippi to my 10-year-old rabbit-ears TV.

When you're up & about in the wee small hours, as I am wont to do, you flip through the channels, looking for some pleasant or at least none-offensive babble to play in the background as you're online, doing physical therapy homework, attempting artsy-fartsy shit, doing the most useless and pointless activity on earth (housework), whatever. I don't put my Netflix in when there's at least ONE show on that's not an infomercial, because when I watch my movies/documentaries/AbFab & related Britcom episodes, I don't want to miss what I'm actually watching, if I were doing PT or typing slowly or whatever.

Sometimes, I really regret that I keep the TV on, or that I keep it on certain stations. What they don't tell you in the weekly scheduling pages is what those infomercials are gonna BE.

I'm sure that I'm not the first person, nor will I be the last, to be blown out of my chair by the sheer idiocy, lunacy, shitty dentures, creepy voice, or utter unstoppable BULLSHIT known as L.Ron Hubbard. Up until this point, my interactions with "scientology" have purposefully been kept to the bare minimum that I'd need to know in order to know to avoid those people at any cost. Yes, several dozen of them showed up at the Parker Coliseum "to help" the LSU Vet School staff, students & volunteers during & after Katrina, and that was appreciated. That none of these fluffy little twits could differentiate their own asses from a hole in the ground was NOT appreciated, especially by those of us who were dropping off supplies and they didn't even know what that MEANT. The "Lay Ministers" were truly more useless than tits on a boar hog, and if you don't know what that means, look it up. I myself am more than grateful to the wonderful people of the Vet School, especially the lady who was actually RUNNING that major-league operation (yes, far too many pets were abandoned; even more were murdered by gun-happy rednecks in CHALMETTE, who got off SCOT-MOTHERFUCKING-FREE for that massacre, but the folks @ LSU & at Lamar-Dixon in Gonzales went above and beyond the call of duty to try and save every single damned animal that they could.). The same day that the FUCKTARDS FROM FEMA showed up, requisitioned their ENTIRE OPERATING BUDGET (which I don't think is even remotely fucking LEGAL), I showed-up with another truckload of the donations that y'all generated, along with a respectably-sized wad of cash, and I've never in my life seen ANYONE so happy to see me. FEMA and the Homeland Security (uber alles!) twinks were fucking it ALLLLLL up, so we helped, at least for that day.

But of course, I digress.

I'm flipping channels for background noise tonight as I'm reading e-mails, making dinner, attempting artsy-craftsy shit in order to eventually regain some of the dexterity & hand strength that I've lost to the herniated disk in my neck. Used to be able to do all kinds of artsy-fartsy shit, now I'm truly useless. Used to be able to type 70wpm, now can barely do 20, counting typos. But that's not the point, I'm all over the fucking map tonight.

The above-linked schedule might disappear before too long, as they are like SiteMeter, they roll their schedule pages over as soon as they need a new one, rather than archiving. And what you will see in the 1A slot reads "Infomercial," as I'm sure that the uber-catholic ownership & management of KLWB would not want there to be EVIDENCE that they're taking money to disseminate the batshit-crazy ramblings of a disgustingly-pretentious, half-educated, certifiably-nuts bourgie wannabe such as L-Ron. His "interviewer," obviously a convert, is British, so L-Ron likes to throw in words like "mate," "vit-a-mins" (short "i" in the British pronunciation) and similar affectations.
Now, I make no bones about the fact that I have very little control over my language & accent adaptations; if I talked to my Nannie for 5 minutes, after years of radio training to the contrary, it was like I was right back in Klan Central and had never left. So I understand when I or other people's ACCENTS change (though yes, "Madge" pushed that shit way beyond the pale), but when their VOCABULARY pretends (or portends) to "adapt" to present company or the imagined audience, then they come off as the slimiest kind of used car salesman. Kinda like a "missionary" or "w***a" wannabe going "down to the hood," and adopting caucasian ebonics. It's one thing if you live there, it's a whole other fucking thing if you're a TOURIST.

All of that blathering to say this: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE BRAIN. IT HURTS. I CAN FEEL IT BLEEDING!!!!!!

The Dianetics commercials were the ONE form of benign "mail-fraud," impersonation, or mail-in-coupon harassment that I have NEVER inflicted upon ANYBODY, be they friend, becoming-former-friend, or even a royal asshole who was so catholic that he was AFRAID OF EATING PUSSY. I don't know why; if they weren't running commercials when I needed new ammo, or if it was an intrinsic reaction of avoidance. But trust me, if I ever do get back into my "practical joke" phase (it's so hard nowadays to SHOCK anybody, especially MY friends, and you have to find the right flavor of freaky for each potential victim), I WILL ***NEVER*** INFLICT SCIENTOLOGISTS UPON ANYONE. Those glazed-over eyes just skeer the living shit outta me. And not just L-Ron's, either.

I'll never understand how a half-assed excuse for a sci-fi writer, who blamed psychiatry for all of his problems (when the proper application thereof might have saved the world SO much agony...), who couldn't even get properly-fitted teeth (I know, I should talk about bad teeth, but for fuck's sake, if you can con THOUSANDS of people into joining your uber-batshit cult, you oughta be able to afford a REAL DENTIST!!!), but had to hiss THROUGH THEM with every syllable, how in the HELL he convinced people around the world to buy-into this bullshit, I will never understand. Granted, he didn't have the heavily-armed colonizing forces of the RCC, the apeshit colonists of the Puritans, or the OBSCENE money power of the lizard-licking mormons, so it's gotta be a really GOOD line of bullshit (or there are a helluva LOT of stupid motherfuckers out in the world, who are now inordinately-confident assholes whose "confidence" is in no way proportional to their actual abilities or intellect) to get worldwide like the Jeehovers and the skinny black ties on bicycles. Prolly won't ever amass the fortune to truly compete with the juice-and-crackers crowd, but they are growing in numbers that do skeer the living shit outta me.

Somebody please tell me, that after having suffered through that "interview" that provided fewer actual answers than every press conference Dumbya ever did COMBINED, that there's going to be some kind of space-alien "RAPTURE" for the scientologists. Please tell me that they have a Nikes-and-purple-scarf "OUT" planned at some point. Somebody, anybody, please tell me that these freaks are NOT going to be colonizing the entire fucking PLANET. It's hard enough being one of THREE atheists in this entire hillbilly hellhole parish, I do NOT need shit shoved under my apartment door, telling me about the teeny-tiny aliens who "live in my bloodstream." I hope to hell that their "mother ship" really DOES show up and fucking SOON.

And yes, there will be people who will call me a bigot and hate me because I've probably named their personal cult in the above rant. I can't help that. I could lie, and say that the genocide, misogyny, forced ignorance, moneychangers-in-the-fucking-temple aspects to those cults DON'T bother me, and that I don't really "mean" the bad things that I say about those cults.

But I'm not gonna.

So if anybody wants to stop "liking" or "loving" me because of what I've said here, go forth and be. Won't be the first time, won't be the last. Fuck, I'm hardly an atheist scholar of any type, I'll never be Madalyn Murray O'Hair, but I know what I know, and I know that invisible sky-fairies ain't done SHIT for ANYBODY on this planet. L-Ron says that religion's "purpose" is to "make people better." That's the ripest shit that I've smelled since the last time I had to muck a horse stall. Religion's purpose is to CONTROL PEOPLE, which is why reich-wing regimes ENJOY keeping the proletariat all culted-up and obedient to whatever Flying Spaghetti Monster-wannabe that massah sez to worship.
Whatever your baggage or pain is, no matter whose fault it is, only you can fix it. Nobody is going to do it for you, and no invisible sky-fairy is going to "make" you a better person. If the only reason that you do good works is because a 4,000-year-old book of fairy-tales "told" you to do them, then fuck you. Do it because it's the RIGHT FUCKING THING TO DO. Not because you've been promised a McMansion in a "heaven" where you'll never be fat, depressed, asinine, ignorant, poor or hungry again. Hate to break it to y'all, but that real estate ain't there, and you will never see it. Just hope that you get lucky and the chemical electricity in your brains goes to a nice end of the universe, if it ever escapes this planet. I'd like to be a poltergeist, myself. WAY too much fun to be had there. Can't say that it'll actually happen; for all I know, I'm just more fish food (my ashes will be dumped in the Mississippi & the Atlantic after I donate whatever few organs are still functional). But I'd dearly enjoy the chance to fuck with a few of those who'll be "left behind." Heh. Take that however you wanna, it's funny either way.

WHAT. THA. FUCK.

First off, we all know about my entire fucked-up life of "interacting" with males (you wouldn't call them "men," either), from molestation to beat-down to closet-case misogynist (open about hating women, closeted about sucking dick) who got evicted in the late summer of '06. There are many reasons why I "retired" from fucking, "love," that marketing pyramid scheme of "romance," all of that shit, and y'all have already heard all of it.

What I CAN'T fucking understand is how, in this day and age, such intelligent, beautiful, talented, POWERFUL young women can STILL fall for that horseshit that "that's what you gotta put up with TO HAVE A MAYUNNNN." I ain't just talking about Formerly-Blonde Niece, her idiotic mother, or any of my other dysfunctional relatives, either. Rihanna, an amazing young woman with those mind-blowing eyes, gets a beat-down from her "boyfriend," Chris Brown, so that neither "makes it to" the Grammys. I'M used to being treated like shit by cops, they have ALWAYS blamed ME for the abuse I've received, from the pus-gutted pompadoured piece of shit NOPD clown @ the beat-down, to the mouth-breathing misogynist PIGS in Livingston Parish, who yelled, cursed, and basically berated me OUT OF THE FUCKING OFFICE (loud enough for the entire shift to hear the grisly details) for daring to ask them to MESS WITH A "MAN'S" LIFE, to put a "MAN" IN JAIL for having STOLEN MY LIFE BEFORE I TURNED TWO FUCKING YEARS OLD. We all know these stories. What I can't wrap my fucking head around is how so many young women, who've SEEN the damage that unhealthy relationships can do, to their mothers, their friends, their sisters, their aunts, everything that's ever been on Lifetime --- how in the FUCK can they still ACCEPT THIS SHIT and NOT KILL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS!??!?!?!!? On WHAT fucking planet is it ACCEPTABLE that a woman gets beaten, punched, bitten and ejected from a vehicle, and they still call that douchebag abuser a "MAN"?!?!?!?

At least out in Cali, they actually ENFORCE domestic-violence and life-threatening laws. I'm grateful for that, even though I doubt her management or record label will allow her to put his ass in prison where he belongs. No, I've never bought any of her records, no, I hardly know a thing about the child, but I can tell from here that she was born with a gift, and that's enough to threaten any weak-minded/weak-spirited, soulless prick.

If it weren't for the good men in this world, it would be REAL fucking easy for me to be a "man-hater." If I weren't lucky enough to have some of the best friends on this planet, I could very easily hide here in my ghetto hovel and ignore every swinging dick on the planet. But I don't, because I know that there ARE good men in this world, I talk to them or write to them every fucking day. That's one of the few things that give me anything resembling "hope" at this point.

I've been taken, I've been ripped-off, I've been treated like a moron every time that somebody fucking lies to me, but I still know good men. I just can't fucking understand what it is about so many of our best women, that they HAVE to "have a mayunnn," that they're willing to put up with weak-assed little punks who think that hitting a woman makes them "a man." That ain't what makes a man. Fuck Snoop Dogg across the fucking universe thirty-six times, for bringing that "pimp" mentality shit back into vogue, as if the women of this world didn't already know what it felt like. Fuck every single male who's ever gotten a leg up by stepping on ANY woman, much less stepping on MANY women. Fuck Kanye's dainty little suburban ass for "Gold Digger." Yes, those women exist, we all know at least one. But that doesn't make it RIGHT. Just because Terry Bradshaw is a fucking MOW-RAHN about trucks being "a man's vehicle, IF you know what I mean" (I see a lot of shitty PSAs late at night) doesn't mean that every single man born in the south is a NEANDERTHAL DOUCHEBAG. But that doesn't mean that I have to like his dumb bald ass, either.

I don't know if I have a point tonight. I'm just pissed, disgusted, frustrated, and sad. It doesn't have to be like this. I know damned well that there ISN'T "somebody for everybody in this world," that's a bunch of marketing and cult-minded HORSESHIT, some of us are BETTER OFF ALONE, by damn.

But I also know that there are HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS WORLD. Not every marriage has to stay together purely from inertia, laziness, or the fact that nobody else will have your ass. I have been privileged to witness many a good marriage, though I don't want to hex them by mentioning them. When I write about the good people in my life, they invariably disappear. I have seen and known people who truly WANT TO SPEND THEIR LIVES WITH THEIR EQUALS, because it doesn't just keep them from putting one or the other down, but because it LIFTS THEM BOTH UP. Look at Barack and Michelle Obama. If I couldn't find another example of relationships that WORK, they would be THE ONE. Honestly, she's more the reason that I voted for him than HE was, truth be told.

But dammit all to hell, why in the FUCK are young people so TERRIFIED of being SINGLE?!?!?! Oh, sure, it's still the same old double-standard, a male ho is a stud, a promiscuous woman is a "ho." Men rack up "accomplishments," women are "doing damage to themselves" every time they have a casual fuck. BULLSHIT. If you aren't ready for or don't want a relationship, fine, DON'T HAVE ONE. But for fuck's sake, don't be so scared of facing life alone, don't be so swayed by pop culture and your shallow-assed "friends"/co-workers/peer pressure/what-the-fuck-ever, that you hang onto some ASSHOLE just so you won't be ALONE.

The only time my alleged "parents" were ever "glad" to see me is when I brought that fucking CLOSET-CASE to their house, though now they claim to loathe him as much as I do. Couldn't get out of the truck without, "WHERE'S JAKE?" Like I'd lost a fucking LIMB or something. Yeah, those two are the PRIME EXAMPLES of why people SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE WITHOUT AN I.Q. TEST & A PSYCH PROFILE, but they're going to try to belittle me for STAYING SINGLE. Bitches, please. Y'all only stay together to provide ALIBIS for one another, and because nobody else on earth would HAVE your skanky asses, as we more than learned back in the eighties AND nineties. But yeah, I'M the loser for not having a "MAYUNNNNN." Kack.

Ain't never killed nobody to be themselves, and to be comfortable WITH themselves. Could somebody pass that message on to that child Rihanna? I've been trying to teach it to my nieces all of their damned lives, but apparently they never heard it over their co-dependent/self-abusive mother harping, "Don't listen to her, she ain't even got a MAYUNNN!"

In other pop-culture news, just wanna send all the love in the world out to Jennifer Hudson, because she has never yet failed to be an awe-inspiring woman to women of all colors. Can't say enough good things about her, and bless her heart for not only surviving that horror, that nightmare, but for powering through it and keepin' on keepin' on. Way tougher woman than I am.

I don't normally give a rat's ass about the Grammys or pop culture or pop music at the fuck all, hell, I forgot to watch Dave Grohl playing with Angela Landsbury last night, and I fucking LOVE me some Dave Grohl. But this shit with Rihanna really hit a nerve with me. And seeing the amazing Jennifer Hudson doing her thing, makes me proud to be a woman.

But Chris Brown, don't show your weak little bitch ass around here. That's all I gotta say about a bitch like you, or that little junkie skeletor whore from STP & that clusterfuck "re-invention" of Guns & Roses, Vulva Revulsion, I won't even type THAT wife-beating junkie bitch's name. There are other celebrity wife-beaters who need to be outed, but I'm not up for the research tonight, I can't call their names to the front of the rolodex right now.

We should keep a list, though. Know where your money's going, kids. That's the only way to change anything in this country anymore, is by controlling where your money goes. And if you're going to movies or buying DVDs or albums made by wife-beaters, husband-beaters (I'm lookin' at YOU, you plastic-surgery-junkie freak, straddle a fucking Jag-yu-arrrr NOW, Tawny Kitaen!!!), child-abusers or other felons, you ought to KNOW before you go. Think of it as the Hell-raisers Un-Abusive Assholes Collection (H.U.A.A.C., for you history buffs, and fuck Joe McCarthy all over again!), and y'all feel free to contribute names and incidents at will.

I can't speak for Mary Hicks...

But culled from a discussion with our very own CGEye, here are some of what I could sieve out of my fevered brain, regarding the cynical heresy of Letterman...

(Major props/thanks to Erster for noticing the original post and passing the good word...)

Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 09:09:25 -0800
From: CGI
Subject: Re: MOB: I still don't know how I feel about this yet...
To: Annti

I waited until you got to see it to ask: Does it take away any of the pain of what they did to the man? I worship him for Goat Boy alone.

Reply:

CGI, honey, I haven't even watched all of those clips yet. I saw it as it happened Friday night, and it pissed me WAY the fuck off that I couldn't tell everybody ahead of time, because Letterman didn't fucking ADVERTISE IT, the twat. Oh, he's all 'humble' now, and takes all of the blame upon himself, what a noble motherfucker. HE FUCKING KNEW that Bill was sick, even if the corporate stooges, anti-choice douchebag advertisers, and his own producers didn't. He played like he didn't know to Bill's mom, but HE FUCKING KNEW. And he knew that Bill's career was finally on the cusp of a real, true peak, after he'd blown-up in England, Scotland and Ireland, that he had an international following already, and that THAT fucking appearance, since no other network show would carry him, and even HBO was slightly afraid, that appearance would've made all of the fucking difference in the world. It wouldn't have saved Bill's life, but it would've preserved his legacy and PREVENTED THAT WEASEL COCKSUCKER DENIS LEARY FROM RIPPING HIM OFF AND BECOMING A FUCKING MILLIONAIRE OFF OF BILL'S CORPSE. And he could've made enough money to marry his fiance, help his parents out, and spend more on his wildlife-recovery charity. He could have accomplished so much more that he wanted to do, in those last four months of his life, even if he didn't make all of the shows he had scheduled.

When Letterman first started talking about it, I was still in disbelief that Bill's name (via his mama's name) had even been MENTIONED in that building, because it had NEVER been uttered there in 15 years. Verboten. No acknowledgment of his impact on comedy, politics, Murkin culture, his vast disconnected network of underground addicts, NO MENTION OF BILL HICKS, FUCKING *EVER*. Only online have I ever found fellow Hicks addicts, never on network, or back when I had it, cable, except for that one appearance on "Half-Hour Comedy Hour," and that TOTALLY-FUCKING-LAME "post-script" that Comedy Central aired, "It's Just A Ride." Boy, they half-assed THAT shit, the corporate-toady funny-as-a-wet-fart motherfuckers.

No, it doesn't take away the pain, and you could see that on Mary Hicks' face. This had nothing to do with Bill or how Dave let them fuck him over and didn't even FIGHT FOR HIM AT THE FUCK ALL or even TELL Bill that they'd cut the piece UNTIL BILL SAW THE SHOW THAT NIGHT AND FOUND OUT FOR HIMSELF, and then Letterman WOULDN'T EVEN RETURN HIS FUCKING PHONE CALLS. THIS WAS ABOUT DAVID LETTERMAN GETTING OLD AND REASSESSING HIS LIFE/CAREER/CONTRACT, and wanting to be all "introspective" ON CAMERA, and playing the fucking martyr in "taking the hit" on behalf of Cunt-scabbed Bullshitting System, his no-balls producers and the evil republicunt advertisers who ordered the fucking assassination in the first fucking place.

When I first saw that footage for the first time ever, I was just one giant, cleaved-open pulsing heart, just aching with joy and pain and what we had lost. But the more that I think about it, the more that it pisses me off. Mary Hicks is one helluva woman, and far more gracious toward that turd than I would've been. Yes, I've been praising Letterman's politics since the open-heart surgery, because that's when he started GIVING A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING, but this, this is not fucking right. You could see in her sharp blue eyes that she had never forgiven him, and probably never would. She accepted the apology, but that was the extent of it. When that woman started to tear-up, but never let a single tear fall, my fucking heart almost exploded from aching for her. That was HER BABY, and he fucking EARNED THAT, from when he was sneaking outta the house at eleven years of age to go to comedy clubs, he had fucking earned it, and they had fucking ROBBED HIM, and she will NEVER get the fuck over it, and she shouldn't. I'd give every organ in my body to charity if she could've been MY mama.

This is why I haven't really written about it yet. Because I'm TOO pissed. I'm going to take a lot of shit from the kool-aid drinkers, the rich Cali libruls who will brook no dissent amongst the ranks, etc., and I don't give a fuck about those assholes. I just want to be able to say it in a concise way, to pinpoint exactly and precisely WHY David Letterman is THE most cynical, heartless bastard on the planet for that little stunt. At this point, he's about on the same ranking as Fatfuck Limbaugh to me right now. It served no fucking purpose except to make Letterman look "good" to his followers, and to put Bill's name out there as Russell Crowe is trying to put the movie together, which I'm sure he'll cock it up com-fucking-pletely. YES, Bill had a huge Australian/Kiwi following, almost as big as Henry Rollins', but that doesn't mean that Crowe KNOWS that boy or how his mind operated. Plus, Russell ain't exactly "heartthrob" material anymore, he's old and bloated and is a breeder now. UTTERLY diametrically-opposed priorities. Bill Hicks was a beautiful man, even with the weight fluctuations, smoking/non-smoking, drugs & alcohol/clean, even as he was dying of pancreatic and liver cancer, he was still GORGEOUS. THE most perfect blue eyes that ever existed, that went back into the universe for decades, so ancient, and yet so impish, truly Randy-Pan The Goat-Boy, with the wisdom of every "wise man" and woman who has ever lived. Libra rising, the creator, and Shiva the destroyer, all in one guy, as he liked to say.

So no, it doesn't take the pain away. It pisses me off even worse. They're digging him up and bullshitting his mama for one fucking reason: MOTHERFUCKING MONEY. Period. And Letterman's self-worshiping ego/guilt trips. They have desecrated his ashes and pissed on his mama's leg and told her it's raining. Sam Kinison would be pitching a major-league bitch-fit if he were still with us, and so should Kevin Booth and Dwight and every friend & comedian he ever loved. I don't give a fuck HOW much money Sacred Cow may make off of this process, since they mandate the rights to his material, which Mary & his daddy own, IT'S BEING DONE WRONGLY. It's bass-fucking-ackwards and WRONG WRONG WRONG. And fuck Russell Crowe and Letterman sideways with a fucking chainsaw for digging him up for their OWN FUCKING PROFITS and THEIR OWN FUCKING EGOS. I never saw Jim Carrey's movie about Kaufman, because I fucking loathe Carrey and knew that it wouldn't be about Andy, it'd be about JIM, like every fucking thing that material-thieving cunt has ever done. I was trained in radio production by the guy who REALLY invented "Fire Marshall Bill" (it was "Fireman Jim" on their radio morning show, Carrey was on a press junket for "In Living Color," and he stole it COLD, right out from under them, the cunt), and I have been putting hexes on Carrey every day of his fucking life. He's a miserable sonofabitch, but not miserable ENOUGH. Jenny McCarthy is too good for him.

And Denis motherfucking Leary can do all of the 9/11 shit, all of the firemen's fundraisers, all of the "good works" that his bony catholic ass can handle, but NONE OF IT WILL EVER MEAN A FUCKING THING, because that lying fucking WEASEL-TURD MOTHERFUCKER will never EVER admit where he stole his entire fucking SCHTICK from, where he stole his ENTIRE FUCKING CAREER. And Bill, bless his heart, had to find out by hearing it OVER THE FUCKING RADIO. "The Asshole Song" is pretty much the only thing that Leary ever wrote, and even then, he had two guys help him do it. So yeah, I want Leary to die of prostate cancer, and I want it to eat his entire body from the inside out, and I want them to have to go after it FROM HIS ASSHOLE. That MIGHT approximate justice for that motherfucker. Personally, I would love to be wherever in the universe that Bill's essence might exist (I hope to hell that he didn't have to get recycled back to THIS planet, dammit, he's earned better!), so that I could sit and watch as he gets ahold of Leary's ghost the minute that motherfucker dies. Maybe he'll have to go to his catholic hell, and Bill can just light a cigarette, drop the ashes on his face and laugh, laugh, laugh. Bill wasn't about retribution or revenge, he wasn't a vindictive person at all, but he believed in KARMA, dammit, and karma has been WAY TOO FUCKING SLOW in paying back the motherfuckers who fucked HIM. So that's what I want for him. I've always said that karma is too fucking slow, and that it's my job to jab it in the ass with an electric cattle prod.

Did you cry when you watched that clip, too? I knew half the material, especially the lead-off Billy Ray bit, by HEART, but half of it was totally new to me, never been seen or heard on even the crappiest bootlegs or the BBC stuff. My heart just swelled-up with tears of joy and pain. Do you think that I'm a fucktard, to still be in love with this guy, fifteen years after he's dead, 21 years after I fell for him? Dammit, that was THE man that I was supposed to fucking marry, if I was ever to commit said act of somewhat-enslavement. But with him, it would've been EQUAL, not possession. His girlfriend was one lucky bitch, it's just a damned shame that they didn't get more time together. That man LOVED and WORSHIPED the pussy, you KNOW that she had an ASSLOAD of orgasms. Randy-Pan The Goat Boy would accept no less. There's no such thing as "a perfect man" or woman, but dammit, he was as highly-evolved as this species was gonna get, 'cause you'll notice how we've done a MASSIVE fucking U-TURN since he died. It's alllll fucking retrograde DNA now, baby. We missed the turn-off, didn't follow his path, and it's nothin' but water-headed Jerry Springer trailer-trash spawn from here on out...

And on THAT lovely note, I'll shut the fuck up. But thank you for asking. And for understanding how much Bill Hicks means to me, and why I want to kick Letterman's ass. I really had grown fond of the uppity prick, after he finally said shit that MEANT something (I never watched his old show, because IT WASN'T FUNNY TO ME, except when Hicks or Howard Stern were on), but this, this is just flat-out fucking sacrilege.

Love you.
J

---

Pt. 2: I haven't done any research on Crowe's alleged pre-production ventures on the biopic, so I don't know how serious he is about it, but if he wants to do it RIGHT, he's gotta go through Mama. And she ain't easily impressed, especially not by celebrities. If she lets ANYBODY dig up her boy, they'd damned well better fucking EARN IT, and I'm sure that Kevin Booth et al are keeping an eye on whatever's going on. They'd damned well BETTER BE, or I'm going to Austin with my baseball bat.

And yes, Bill was sent here to help us evolve, but Bush Sr. and his New World Order succeeded in stunting human development even worse than Ronnie Ray-Gun or the bastard fucktard Dumbya did, so we live in a world with "American Idol," TMZ, and Denis thieving-cunt Leary. Leary has never done ANYTHING even REMOTELY akin to Bill Hicks' beliefs/actions, he just stole the gags, but never had the brains or soul to MEAN IT, so it was alllllll nothin' but SURFACE.

He was just on the Kennedy Center Honors Mark Twain Prize "tribute" to George Carlin, and I damned near put a boot through my television. HATE that cocksucker, because when he hit big with "No Cure For Cancer," I thought that he was NEW, that it was HIS material. I was already a Hicks addict, but hadn't ever made the money or had the money to see him in person, the albums weren't out yet, and hadn't seen him on TV in two years, at least. If I'd known that the ENTIRETY of that album was stolen straight from Hicks, I'd have destroyed the station's copy (they played "The Asshole Song" after 10P) and kept it off of the fucking air. One of the cunt dickhead men destroyed the ONE Janis Joplin album (Cheap Thrills), in order to keep her songs from being played, the neanderthal motherfucker, and I went and bought another one to replace it, to put her back into the fucking rotation, when the cunt tightwad motherfucker station owners (and the sexist-pig program director) wouldn't fucking BOTHER.

Anyway, I'm way the fuck off-topic. Russell Crowe better watch his ass. If the Vogons were skeery, he ain't seen SHIT, when it comes to fucking with my boy. Just like that clusterfuck "tribute" to HST was a GINORMOUS fucking punk-out DISAPPOINTMENT/bullshit cover-up (Can't call the name right now, got it through NetFlix), if they even THINK of dishonoring MY BOY, they gonna have a big ol' mess of bad press, among other things. I'll fuck their shit up as much as I can from here in West Redneckistan. It's bad enough that I've lost Carlin, Kinison, Pryor, Gilda Radner, damned near every comic that raised me except Cosby, I'll be gawd (or pick any invisible sky-fairy) DAMNED if they're going to defame or defile the story/image/memory of one of the most brilliant human beings who ever fucking lived. You'll never see HIM getting a big Kennedy Center honor, you'll never even see anybody ever ADMITTING that he ever EXISTED, the weak-assed pussies who robbed him BLIND while he was still alive, and they've been robbing his grave ever since. Oh, no, Bill was too "dangerous," too fucking HONEST, for the corporate whores who reign over "comedy" then and now. He wasn't "famous" enough, thanks to Letterman's treason, to "matter" to network douchebags or programming motherfuckers or magazine vultures past 1996.

The greatest poets are never recognized in their home countries, right? I bet if we could get our asses to Great Britain, we'd see fucking ALTARS to him. I noticed that the big ol' pussy-boy (he had a brief moment of honesty, but he's a company man all the fucking way NOW) Craig Ferguson said BUPKIS about Letterman's stunt on Bill's ashes. Not a fucking PEEP. He knows who signs HIS fucking checks. I wish to fuck and back that I had cable just for Showtime, HBO & The Daily Show, to see if Jon Stewart had the gonads to acknowledge the travesty. Oh, he was so special, he got to interview Carlin at the Aspen Comedy Festival (CORPORATE DOUCHEBAGS ARE US!!!), wasn't he a lucky little boy, but does he have the balls to deal with the guy who made Carlin look LAID-BACK?!?!?!? I won't be holding my breath.