WHAT. THA. FUCK.

First off, we all know about my entire fucked-up life of "interacting" with males (you wouldn't call them "men," either), from molestation to beat-down to closet-case misogynist (open about hating women, closeted about sucking dick) who got evicted in the late summer of '06. There are many reasons why I "retired" from fucking, "love," that marketing pyramid scheme of "romance," all of that shit, and y'all have already heard all of it.

What I CAN'T fucking understand is how, in this day and age, such intelligent, beautiful, talented, POWERFUL young women can STILL fall for that horseshit that "that's what you gotta put up with TO HAVE A MAYUNNNN." I ain't just talking about Formerly-Blonde Niece, her idiotic mother, or any of my other dysfunctional relatives, either. Rihanna, an amazing young woman with those mind-blowing eyes, gets a beat-down from her "boyfriend," Chris Brown, so that neither "makes it to" the Grammys. I'M used to being treated like shit by cops, they have ALWAYS blamed ME for the abuse I've received, from the pus-gutted pompadoured piece of shit NOPD clown @ the beat-down, to the mouth-breathing misogynist PIGS in Livingston Parish, who yelled, cursed, and basically berated me OUT OF THE FUCKING OFFICE (loud enough for the entire shift to hear the grisly details) for daring to ask them to MESS WITH A "MAN'S" LIFE, to put a "MAN" IN JAIL for having STOLEN MY LIFE BEFORE I TURNED TWO FUCKING YEARS OLD. We all know these stories. What I can't wrap my fucking head around is how so many young women, who've SEEN the damage that unhealthy relationships can do, to their mothers, their friends, their sisters, their aunts, everything that's ever been on Lifetime --- how in the FUCK can they still ACCEPT THIS SHIT and NOT KILL THESE MOTHERFUCKERS!??!?!?!!? On WHAT fucking planet is it ACCEPTABLE that a woman gets beaten, punched, bitten and ejected from a vehicle, and they still call that douchebag abuser a "MAN"?!?!?!?

At least out in Cali, they actually ENFORCE domestic-violence and life-threatening laws. I'm grateful for that, even though I doubt her management or record label will allow her to put his ass in prison where he belongs. No, I've never bought any of her records, no, I hardly know a thing about the child, but I can tell from here that she was born with a gift, and that's enough to threaten any weak-minded/weak-spirited, soulless prick.

If it weren't for the good men in this world, it would be REAL fucking easy for me to be a "man-hater." If I weren't lucky enough to have some of the best friends on this planet, I could very easily hide here in my ghetto hovel and ignore every swinging dick on the planet. But I don't, because I know that there ARE good men in this world, I talk to them or write to them every fucking day. That's one of the few things that give me anything resembling "hope" at this point.

I've been taken, I've been ripped-off, I've been treated like a moron every time that somebody fucking lies to me, but I still know good men. I just can't fucking understand what it is about so many of our best women, that they HAVE to "have a mayunnn," that they're willing to put up with weak-assed little punks who think that hitting a woman makes them "a man." That ain't what makes a man. Fuck Snoop Dogg across the fucking universe thirty-six times, for bringing that "pimp" mentality shit back into vogue, as if the women of this world didn't already know what it felt like. Fuck every single male who's ever gotten a leg up by stepping on ANY woman, much less stepping on MANY women. Fuck Kanye's dainty little suburban ass for "Gold Digger." Yes, those women exist, we all know at least one. But that doesn't make it RIGHT. Just because Terry Bradshaw is a fucking MOW-RAHN about trucks being "a man's vehicle, IF you know what I mean" (I see a lot of shitty PSAs late at night) doesn't mean that every single man born in the south is a NEANDERTHAL DOUCHEBAG. But that doesn't mean that I have to like his dumb bald ass, either.

I don't know if I have a point tonight. I'm just pissed, disgusted, frustrated, and sad. It doesn't have to be like this. I know damned well that there ISN'T "somebody for everybody in this world," that's a bunch of marketing and cult-minded HORSESHIT, some of us are BETTER OFF ALONE, by damn.

But I also know that there are HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS IN THIS WORLD. Not every marriage has to stay together purely from inertia, laziness, or the fact that nobody else will have your ass. I have been privileged to witness many a good marriage, though I don't want to hex them by mentioning them. When I write about the good people in my life, they invariably disappear. I have seen and known people who truly WANT TO SPEND THEIR LIVES WITH THEIR EQUALS, because it doesn't just keep them from putting one or the other down, but because it LIFTS THEM BOTH UP. Look at Barack and Michelle Obama. If I couldn't find another example of relationships that WORK, they would be THE ONE. Honestly, she's more the reason that I voted for him than HE was, truth be told.

But dammit all to hell, why in the FUCK are young people so TERRIFIED of being SINGLE?!?!?! Oh, sure, it's still the same old double-standard, a male ho is a stud, a promiscuous woman is a "ho." Men rack up "accomplishments," women are "doing damage to themselves" every time they have a casual fuck. BULLSHIT. If you aren't ready for or don't want a relationship, fine, DON'T HAVE ONE. But for fuck's sake, don't be so scared of facing life alone, don't be so swayed by pop culture and your shallow-assed "friends"/co-workers/peer pressure/what-the-fuck-ever, that you hang onto some ASSHOLE just so you won't be ALONE.

The only time my alleged "parents" were ever "glad" to see me is when I brought that fucking CLOSET-CASE to their house, though now they claim to loathe him as much as I do. Couldn't get out of the truck without, "WHERE'S JAKE?" Like I'd lost a fucking LIMB or something. Yeah, those two are the PRIME EXAMPLES of why people SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO PROCREATE WITHOUT AN I.Q. TEST & A PSYCH PROFILE, but they're going to try to belittle me for STAYING SINGLE. Bitches, please. Y'all only stay together to provide ALIBIS for one another, and because nobody else on earth would HAVE your skanky asses, as we more than learned back in the eighties AND nineties. But yeah, I'M the loser for not having a "MAYUNNNNN." Kack.

Ain't never killed nobody to be themselves, and to be comfortable WITH themselves. Could somebody pass that message on to that child Rihanna? I've been trying to teach it to my nieces all of their damned lives, but apparently they never heard it over their co-dependent/self-abusive mother harping, "Don't listen to her, she ain't even got a MAYUNNN!"

In other pop-culture news, just wanna send all the love in the world out to Jennifer Hudson, because she has never yet failed to be an awe-inspiring woman to women of all colors. Can't say enough good things about her, and bless her heart for not only surviving that horror, that nightmare, but for powering through it and keepin' on keepin' on. Way tougher woman than I am.

I don't normally give a rat's ass about the Grammys or pop culture or pop music at the fuck all, hell, I forgot to watch Dave Grohl playing with Angela Landsbury last night, and I fucking LOVE me some Dave Grohl. But this shit with Rihanna really hit a nerve with me. And seeing the amazing Jennifer Hudson doing her thing, makes me proud to be a woman.

But Chris Brown, don't show your weak little bitch ass around here. That's all I gotta say about a bitch like you, or that little junkie skeletor whore from STP & that clusterfuck "re-invention" of Guns & Roses, Vulva Revulsion, I won't even type THAT wife-beating junkie bitch's name. There are other celebrity wife-beaters who need to be outed, but I'm not up for the research tonight, I can't call their names to the front of the rolodex right now.

We should keep a list, though. Know where your money's going, kids. That's the only way to change anything in this country anymore, is by controlling where your money goes. And if you're going to movies or buying DVDs or albums made by wife-beaters, husband-beaters (I'm lookin' at YOU, you plastic-surgery-junkie freak, straddle a fucking Jag-yu-arrrr NOW, Tawny Kitaen!!!), child-abusers or other felons, you ought to KNOW before you go. Think of it as the Hell-raisers Un-Abusive Assholes Collection (H.U.A.A.C., for you history buffs, and fuck Joe McCarthy all over again!), and y'all feel free to contribute names and incidents at will.