(Major props/thanks to Erster for noticing the original post and passing the good word...)
Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2009 09:09:25 -0800
From: CGI
Subject: Re: MOB: I still don't know how I feel about this yet...
To: Annti
I waited until you got to see it to ask: Does it take away any of the pain of what they did to the man? I worship him for Goat Boy alone.
Reply:
CGI, honey, I haven't even watched all of those clips yet. I saw it as it happened Friday night, and it pissed me WAY the fuck off that I couldn't tell everybody ahead of time, because Letterman didn't fucking ADVERTISE IT, the twat. Oh, he's all 'humble' now, and takes all of the blame upon himself, what a noble motherfucker. HE FUCKING KNEW that Bill was sick, even if the corporate stooges, anti-choice douchebag advertisers, and his own producers didn't. He played like he didn't know to Bill's mom, but HE FUCKING KNEW. And he knew that Bill's career was finally on the cusp of a real, true peak, after he'd blown-up in England, Scotland and Ireland, that he had an international following already, and that THAT fucking appearance, since no other network show would carry him, and even HBO was slightly afraid, that appearance would've made all of the fucking difference in the world. It wouldn't have saved Bill's life, but it would've preserved his legacy and PREVENTED THAT WEASEL COCKSUCKER DENIS LEARY FROM RIPPING HIM OFF AND BECOMING A FUCKING MILLIONAIRE OFF OF BILL'S CORPSE. And he could've made enough money to marry his fiance, help his parents out, and spend more on his wildlife-recovery charity. He could have accomplished so much more that he wanted to do, in those last four months of his life, even if he didn't make all of the shows he had scheduled.
When Letterman first started talking about it, I was still in disbelief that Bill's name (via his mama's name) had even been MENTIONED in that building, because it had NEVER been uttered there in 15 years. Verboten. No acknowledgment of his impact on comedy, politics, Murkin culture, his vast disconnected network of underground addicts, NO MENTION OF BILL HICKS, FUCKING *EVER*. Only online have I ever found fellow Hicks addicts, never on network, or back when I had it, cable, except for that one appearance on "Half-Hour Comedy Hour," and that TOTALLY-FUCKING-LAME "post-script" that Comedy Central aired, "It's Just A Ride." Boy, they half-assed THAT shit, the corporate-toady funny-as-a-wet-fart motherfuckers.
No, it doesn't take away the pain, and you could see that on Mary Hicks' face. This had nothing to do with Bill or how Dave let them fuck him over and didn't even FIGHT FOR HIM AT THE FUCK ALL or even TELL Bill that they'd cut the piece UNTIL BILL SAW THE SHOW THAT NIGHT AND FOUND OUT FOR HIMSELF, and then Letterman WOULDN'T EVEN RETURN HIS FUCKING PHONE CALLS. THIS WAS ABOUT DAVID LETTERMAN GETTING OLD AND REASSESSING HIS LIFE/CAREER/CONTRACT, and wanting to be all "introspective" ON CAMERA, and playing the fucking martyr in "taking the hit" on behalf of Cunt-scabbed Bullshitting System, his no-balls producers and the evil republicunt advertisers who ordered the fucking assassination in the first fucking place.
When I first saw that footage for the first time ever, I was just one giant, cleaved-open pulsing heart, just aching with joy and pain and what we had lost. But the more that I think about it, the more that it pisses me off. Mary Hicks is one helluva woman, and far more gracious toward that turd than I would've been. Yes, I've been praising Letterman's politics since the open-heart surgery, because that's when he started GIVING A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING, but this, this is not fucking right. You could see in her sharp blue eyes that she had never forgiven him, and probably never would. She accepted the apology, but that was the extent of it. When that woman started to tear-up, but never let a single tear fall, my fucking heart almost exploded from aching for her. That was HER BABY, and he fucking EARNED THAT, from when he was sneaking outta the house at eleven years of age to go to comedy clubs, he had fucking earned it, and they had fucking ROBBED HIM, and she will NEVER get the fuck over it, and she shouldn't. I'd give every organ in my body to charity if she could've been MY mama.
This is why I haven't really written about it yet. Because I'm TOO pissed. I'm going to take a lot of shit from the kool-aid drinkers, the rich Cali libruls who will brook no dissent amongst the ranks, etc., and I don't give a fuck about those assholes. I just want to be able to say it in a concise way, to pinpoint exactly and precisely WHY David Letterman is THE most cynical, heartless bastard on the planet for that little stunt. At this point, he's about on the same ranking as Fatfuck Limbaugh to me right now. It served no fucking purpose except to make Letterman look "good" to his followers, and to put Bill's name out there as Russell Crowe is trying to put the movie together, which I'm sure he'll cock it up com-fucking-pletely. YES, Bill had a huge Australian/Kiwi following, almost as big as Henry Rollins', but that doesn't mean that Crowe KNOWS that boy or how his mind operated. Plus, Russell ain't exactly "heartthrob" material anymore, he's old and bloated and is a breeder now. UTTERLY diametrically-opposed priorities. Bill Hicks was a beautiful man, even with the weight fluctuations, smoking/non-smoking, drugs & alcohol/clean, even as he was dying of pancreatic and liver cancer, he was still GORGEOUS. THE most perfect blue eyes that ever existed, that went back into the universe for decades, so ancient, and yet so impish, truly Randy-Pan The Goat-Boy, with the wisdom of every "wise man" and woman who has ever lived. Libra rising, the creator, and Shiva the destroyer, all in one guy, as he liked to say.
So no, it doesn't take the pain away. It pisses me off even worse. They're digging him up and bullshitting his mama for one fucking reason: MOTHERFUCKING MONEY. Period. And Letterman's self-worshiping ego/guilt trips. They have desecrated his ashes and pissed on his mama's leg and told her it's raining. Sam Kinison would be pitching a major-league bitch-fit if he were still with us, and so should Kevin Booth and Dwight and every friend & comedian he ever loved. I don't give a fuck HOW much money Sacred Cow may make off of this process, since they mandate the rights to his material, which Mary & his daddy own, IT'S BEING DONE WRONGLY. It's bass-fucking-ackwards and WRONG WRONG WRONG. And fuck Russell Crowe and Letterman sideways with a fucking chainsaw for digging him up for their OWN FUCKING PROFITS and THEIR OWN FUCKING EGOS. I never saw Jim Carrey's movie about Kaufman, because I fucking loathe Carrey and knew that it wouldn't be about Andy, it'd be about JIM, like every fucking thing that material-thieving cunt has ever done. I was trained in radio production by the guy who REALLY invented "Fire Marshall Bill" (it was "Fireman Jim" on their radio morning show, Carrey was on a press junket for "In Living Color," and he stole it COLD, right out from under them, the cunt), and I have been putting hexes on Carrey every day of his fucking life. He's a miserable sonofabitch, but not miserable ENOUGH. Jenny McCarthy is too good for him.
And Denis motherfucking Leary can do all of the 9/11 shit, all of the firemen's fundraisers, all of the "good works" that his bony catholic ass can handle, but NONE OF IT WILL EVER MEAN A FUCKING THING, because that lying fucking WEASEL-TURD MOTHERFUCKER will never EVER admit where he stole his entire fucking SCHTICK from, where he stole his ENTIRE FUCKING CAREER. And Bill, bless his heart, had to find out by hearing it OVER THE FUCKING RADIO. "The Asshole Song" is pretty much the only thing that Leary ever wrote, and even then, he had two guys help him do it. So yeah, I want Leary to die of prostate cancer, and I want it to eat his entire body from the inside out, and I want them to have to go after it FROM HIS ASSHOLE. That MIGHT approximate justice for that motherfucker. Personally, I would love to be wherever in the universe that Bill's essence might exist (I hope to hell that he didn't have to get recycled back to THIS planet, dammit, he's earned better!), so that I could sit and watch as he gets ahold of Leary's ghost the minute that motherfucker dies. Maybe he'll have to go to his catholic hell, and Bill can just light a cigarette, drop the ashes on his face and laugh, laugh, laugh. Bill wasn't about retribution or revenge, he wasn't a vindictive person at all, but he believed in KARMA, dammit, and karma has been WAY TOO FUCKING SLOW in paying back the motherfuckers who fucked HIM. So that's what I want for him. I've always said that karma is too fucking slow, and that it's my job to jab it in the ass with an electric cattle prod.
Did you cry when you watched that clip, too? I knew half the material, especially the lead-off Billy Ray bit, by HEART, but half of it was totally new to me, never been seen or heard on even the crappiest bootlegs or the BBC stuff. My heart just swelled-up with tears of joy and pain. Do you think that I'm a fucktard, to still be in love with this guy, fifteen years after he's dead, 21 years after I fell for him? Dammit, that was THE man that I was supposed to fucking marry, if I was ever to commit said act of somewhat-enslavement. But with him, it would've been EQUAL, not possession. His girlfriend was one lucky bitch, it's just a damned shame that they didn't get more time together. That man LOVED and WORSHIPED the pussy, you KNOW that she had an ASSLOAD of orgasms. Randy-Pan The Goat Boy would accept no less. There's no such thing as "a perfect man" or woman, but dammit, he was as highly-evolved as this species was gonna get, 'cause you'll notice how we've done a MASSIVE fucking U-TURN since he died. It's alllll fucking retrograde DNA now, baby. We missed the turn-off, didn't follow his path, and it's nothin' but water-headed Jerry Springer trailer-trash spawn from here on out...
And on THAT lovely note, I'll shut the fuck up. But thank you for asking. And for understanding how much Bill Hicks means to me, and why I want to kick Letterman's ass. I really had grown fond of the uppity prick, after he finally said shit that MEANT something (I never watched his old show, because IT WASN'T FUNNY TO ME, except when Hicks or Howard Stern were on), but this, this is just flat-out fucking sacrilege.
Love you.
J
And yes, Bill was sent here to help us evolve, but Bush Sr. and his New World Order succeeded in stunting human development even worse than Ronnie Ray-Gun or the bastard fucktard Dumbya did, so we live in a world with "American Idol," TMZ, and Denis thieving-cunt Leary. Leary has never done ANYTHING even REMOTELY akin to Bill Hicks' beliefs/actions, he just stole the gags, but never had the brains or soul to MEAN IT, so it was alllllll nothin' but SURFACE.
He was just on the Kennedy Center Honors Mark Twain Prize "tribute" to George Carlin, and I damned near put a boot through my television. HATE that cocksucker, because when he hit big with "No Cure For Cancer," I thought that he was NEW, that it was HIS material. I was already a Hicks addict, but hadn't ever made the money or had the money to see him in person, the albums weren't out yet, and hadn't seen him on TV in two years, at least. If I'd known that the ENTIRETY of that album was stolen straight from Hicks, I'd have destroyed the station's copy (they played "The Asshole Song" after 10P) and kept it off of the fucking air. One of the cunt dickhead men destroyed the ONE Janis Joplin album (Cheap Thrills), in order to keep her songs from being played, the neanderthal motherfucker, and I went and bought another one to replace it, to put her back into the fucking rotation, when the cunt tightwad motherfucker station owners (and the sexist-pig program director) wouldn't fucking BOTHER.
Anyway, I'm way the fuck off-topic. Russell Crowe better watch his ass. If the Vogons were skeery, he ain't seen SHIT, when it comes to fucking with my boy. Just like that clusterfuck "tribute" to HST was a GINORMOUS fucking punk-out DISAPPOINTMENT/bullshit cover-up (Can't call the name right now, got it through NetFlix), if they even THINK of dishonoring MY BOY, they gonna have a big ol' mess of bad press, among other things. I'll fuck their shit up as much as I can from here in West Redneckistan. It's bad enough that I've lost Carlin, Kinison, Pryor, Gilda Radner, damned near every comic that raised me except Cosby, I'll be gawd (or pick any invisible sky-fairy) DAMNED if they're going to defame or defile the story/image/memory of one of the most brilliant human beings who ever fucking lived. You'll never see HIM getting a big Kennedy Center honor, you'll never even see anybody ever ADMITTING that he ever EXISTED, the weak-assed pussies who robbed him BLIND while he was still alive, and they've been robbing his grave ever since. Oh, no, Bill was too "dangerous," too fucking HONEST, for the corporate whores who reign over "comedy" then and now. He wasn't "famous" enough, thanks to Letterman's treason, to "matter" to network douchebags or programming motherfuckers or magazine vultures past 1996.
The greatest poets are never recognized in their home countries, right? I bet if we could get our asses to Great Britain, we'd see fucking ALTARS to him. I noticed that the big ol' pussy-boy (he had a brief moment of honesty, but he's a company man all the fucking way NOW) Craig Ferguson said BUPKIS about Letterman's stunt on Bill's ashes. Not a fucking PEEP. He knows who signs HIS fucking checks. I wish to fuck and back that I had cable just for Showtime, HBO & The Daily Show, to see if Jon Stewart had the gonads to acknowledge the travesty. Oh, he was so special, he got to interview Carlin at the Aspen Comedy Festival (CORPORATE DOUCHEBAGS ARE US!!!), wasn't he a lucky little boy, but does he have the balls to deal with the guy who made Carlin look LAID-BACK?!?!?!? I won't be holding my breath.
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