FINALLY!!!

After all of these years of being THE first to lend a hand, to leap-in with both feet EVERY time that help is needed, Terrible has finally given me a chance to try and do something FOR HIM.

Like a lot of us, Terrible's driving a beater, and even though he does a helluva lot of the work himself, or has really good friends who help out, the Kia ain't lookin' so good. Not on the "terminal" list yet, but not far from it. And what gave ME a fuckin' heart attack is learning that he's got a broken belt in the sidewall of one of his two snow tires.

Vermont. Assloads of snow, steep drop-offs from narrow roads, ice everywhere, oh, and a teeny-tiny pimple in the sidewall of a tire can blow up and knock your ass into a fucking tree. No, I'm not even remotely exaggerating. Yes, I am a nagging yenta/professional worrier, so fucking sue me.

So here's the pitch: FUNDRAISER FOR TERRIBLE!!!!!! (< We can't be having our Terrible flying off the side of a fucking mountain or into a gawdlessdamned tree or stranded on the side of some ass-end-of-East-Fuckin'-Jeebus road in a fuckin' blizzard. I wish I could properly install a PayPal button in a fucking post, but I never *have* mastered that particular skill, for some fucking reason. Yeah, I know. Ironic. Huh huh huh. A semi-professional beggar who can't even do it right. Smoooooth. Well, when I hit the fucking powerball, none of us will need fundraisers anymore, and I can hire somebody to finally teach me how to do PayPal buttons PROPERLY, to pound it into my oft-dented skull with a 10-pound maul, so that it STAYS THERE. But then, we will only have to do fundraisers for good charities, like the ones who don't demand that children SHOW PROOF OF CITIZENSHIP in order to receive xmas toys. Don't get me started, I'll go all off-track, well, even worse than I have already.

Y'all all know & love Terrible, and he has never asked any of us for ANYTHING, he just gives and he gives and he gives. I've got about an ACRE of mosquito-netting, instant-stove chemical cookers, smart-assed MREs (ha ha fuckin' ha, Ted.), all KINDS of shit to prepare me for any kind of natural or Halliburton-made disaster (and yes, I went out and spent a WAD on hurricane supplies this year, and FOR WHAT?!?!?!?! Too late to return any of it, I can promise y'all THAT shit.) --- and the books! Terrible used to have a bookstore, and he is STILL de-stashing. Videos, oh and holy SHIT, that Vermont Smoke & Cure summer sausage!!!!! He got me thoroughly ADDICTED to that small-batch, family-farm-made stuff. In other words, Terrible is the cool older brother that I was SUPPOSED to have, who always watches out for me and makes damned sure that I never go hungry. If I had it, I'd send him a fortune my damned self, but y'all know me: doomed to perpetual brokeness. So that's why I'm asking Y'ALL. If anybody "deserves" a little help (or severe acreage and a huge wad of cash), its our Terrible, by damn. Yes, other people in the world have it hard, and it's charitable-contribution-demand time, they're ALL out in force, and they've all gone into the red this year, I know, I know, I know.

But this is something that y'all can do for one person whom you KNOW will keep doing good in the world, who will never stop busting his ass to improve his little patch of the planet, and who genuinely needs your help to stay independent and self-sufficient. And no, that's not an oxymoron. And yes, we all know that EVERYBODY has it hard this year and will for the next couple of years, I don't give a shit WHAT the media tells ya to get you back into the shopping malls. That should tell y'all how serious this is, that Terrible would let me ask y'all for help, and how very much he and I will both appreciate any and all help that y'all can share.

Thank y'all, once again, for listening to me blather, and without even throwing rotten fruit or eggs.