Work-In-Progress: "Fuck Teh 'Tiffany Network.' "

First, Letterman helps set-up that obnoxious "intern" character, played by that obnoxious, supercillious little pissant, and then he shows up in the GRISSOM FINALE, like he's fucking EARNED IT or something. Fucking HATE that kid. And yes, I'm still severely pissed that Peterson left CSI. There are very few shows, of the six channels that I can pick up regularly (there's a seventh, but their stick is small and weak), that I actually FOLLOW. Considering my "shut-in"-type "lifestyle," television and NetFlix are the extent of my entertainment. Since I lost my stereo to the pawn shop, many, many moons ago, I don't even listen to the radio in the Fucktard Hotel apartment, because I don't have a remote to block-out the HORRIBLY, SHODDILY-WRITTEN & EXECUTED ABORTIONS that they call "advertising" in the Baton Rouge market. If I can't block out all of the ads written by and/or voiced BY THE CLIENTS (THE worst way to sell ANY product, I might add; also a HUGE pain in the ass to the production staff, who should, by rights, be allowed to bludgeon the idiotic sales reptiles with a toaster oven, every single time that they bring in some hayseed client who wants to "BE ON TEH RADIO!"), I'm not going to bother to turn on the $20 p.o.s. CD/radio/cassette clusterfuck that's all but destroyed after a year with Dullard McDumbass.

All of THAT to say that of the few shows that I watch semi-faithfully, CSI was the best. WAS. Then they killed Warrick. Cunts. Sexiest man in prime-time television. Almost TOO pretty, but you can't really hold that against him. Too bad about the DUI, though. Pretty much telegraphed to the world that he'd been written out of the show, months before that story arc aired.

As the Grissom character folded, I was thinking about writing something cute, as in, "Who's Our Next Favorite Geek?", who can fill the shoes that William Peterson left behind? Personally, I was gonna nominate Jim Parsons/"Sheldon" of "The Big Bang Theory," 'cause he reminds me so much of myself (the hyperlexic/borderline-autistic shit, NOT the 220-IQ scientific mind, obviously) and yet, he's FUNNY. Not quite the smooth, self-assured humanity of Grissom, actually quite the opposite. Sheldon's a spazz, but wryly funny as hell, even when the character's not supposed to "be" funny. The Parsons kid is good. Yeah, Galecki's still good, especially when crossing paths with Sara Gilbert, but "Leonard" is even whinier than "Sheldon" in several respects.

They all paid their respects to the departing Grissom, but the one that almost made me tear-up was "Dave Hodgins." Bullshit, cliche', pseudo-bravado, and then that plaintive little-boy line, "The bad guys will win more if we don't have you." Hodgins is a dillweed most of the time, but he was spot-on with that one. And Coroner Super-Dave, he was perfect, too. *sigh* I know, I should get a life, but in the meantime, I make do with television. TV raised me, after all, and taught me how to read before I was 20 months old. Most reliable long-term relationship of my life, nerd that I am. I still adore Larry Fishburne, even after Ike (and that was some traumatic shit!!!), but I don't know that Mr. Fishburne has ever even remotely BEEN a nerd, so I dunno how well it's going to gel.

Bobby Goren on L&O: CI, the first seasons of HOUSE & BONES (before the Melrose Place motherfuckers turned them into SOAP OPERAS, when the science was still BELIEVABLE), the short-lived old reruns of "EMERGENCY!" (no idea what's going on with KZUP, but apparently the Retro Television Network was too complicated for them to master JUST LETTING THE FUCKING SHOWS PLAY WITHOUT INTERRUPTING THEM EVERY 85 SECONDS FOR ANOTHER STATION I.D.), E.R. back when it was still worth a shit, and Cold Case. About the only half-way decent writing left on television, and they always have to keep fucking it up, twitching and tweaking it to suit some roomful of fucktards known as a "focus group," who represent nobody but the dweebs who run entire BLOGS about those TV shows, message boards, etc. More reality, less bullshit. Take HOUSE back to the science, same with BONES, maybe throw some new ideas at Cold Case, AND GIMME BACK GRISSOM, DAMMIT.

He was our first COOL GEEK. And now the fucker decides to retire.

Not quite as blood-from-eyeballs agonizing as seeing QUEEN be TORTURED TO A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH by sing-like-amputees motherfuckers on WALLY WORLD COMMERCIALS (Freddie Mercury has GOT to come back from the dead, at some point, to beat the living fuck outta these sales/marketing SCUM, dammit!!!), but annoying. When the majority of your "human" interaction is through a cathode-ray tube, they really gotta stop doing shit that sends your blood pressure up OVER TWENTY POINTS.

Like it wasn't PROJECTILE-VOMIT-INDUCING ***ENOUGH*** when I walked into the world's nastiest Wally World and saw, "WAL-MART EXCLUSIVE!" t-shirts for AC-FUCKING-DC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How in the FUCK do you stay a badassed, motherfucking AMBASSADORS FOR SATAN band WHEN YOU'RE SELLING-OUT TO THE BIBUL-BANGING, MOUTH-BREATHING, GLOBE-DEVOURING FUCKTARDS IN BENTONVILLE, ARKANSAS?!?!?!? Fuck, why don't they just go on tour with FUCKING PAT SENILE-FUCKTARD-O-RAMA BOONE?!?!?!?!?? Just twist the knife a little harder, Malcolm. Bastids. Yeah, yeah, everybody wants a nice retirement, blah blah fucking blah. Bon Scott sure as hell would never have sold t-shirts AT A FUNDY-RIFIC SWEATSHOP HELLHOLE LIKE WAL-MART!!!!!!!!!